Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
