i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
