can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Randomize
