It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
