Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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