he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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