careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Randomize
