I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
