i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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