I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The uberlube is also flammable
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You ate ashes out of my bong
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
