i'm signing you up for texting rehab
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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