I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
is that a dick in a sweater?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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