Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
