I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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