He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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