Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
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Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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