Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
