I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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