Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
