Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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