OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
