Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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