just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
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