I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
