a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
