You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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