Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
