In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize