Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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