my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Randomize
