Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
