yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
