Already got asked if we're dating
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
