first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
