I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
