the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
