Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
