I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
