Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
