Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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