So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Randomize
