i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
