i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
