also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
