fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
