Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize