Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
