My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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