Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
