You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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