Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
