so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
