your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
