1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
