she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
