is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
