my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
