i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
