..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
