I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
