Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
