Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He passed out mid-signature
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
