Sacagawea was the original milf.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
