i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
