I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
