Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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