also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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