I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Floor bacon is actually really good
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
