I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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