I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
