it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
