So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
