so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
