if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
